Morning Routine

And now...for your most recent "Overheard":

"I just blow and go every morning."

(What she really meant was blow dry.)

It made me chuckle. Hope it did the same for you!



Simply, MJ

Practice Makes Perfect

I've been short on "Overheards" lately, but today you get a doozie.

1: "I heard from R****. She's going to have a girl!"
(some other non-essential conversation here about babies)
2: "Well here's what I see happening. We just had L*****, then it's going to be R****, and then it's going to be you, then back to B****."
1: "Oooh I think B**** might beat me."
2: "I don't know...If you're husband were here I would tease him and tell him he needed to start to practice, but you're never available for practice!"

I didn't hear anything said after this because I was in a fit of silent laughter. The works: red face, tears in my eyes, shaking hysterically. How does one respond to that?

Simply,
MJ

Valentine's Day Down South

So Wednesday night I had my eyebrows done, which I desperately needed. My lady, Ashley, has just been waxing out of her house since she went on maternity leave. So I arrived 5 minutes early, knocked, and was greeted by her husband who joked, "Have a seat in our lobby," while motioning to the living room. The room off to the side where her table and supplies are was closed off -- which is secretly a signal for "I'm doing either a bikini or Brazilian right now." After a few minutes Ashley came out, followed a minute later by her client. The client was the definition of cougar or in a mid-life crisis. I could tell by her face she was a little older, but she had on fitted clothes, high-heeled knee-high boots, topped off by platinum blonde hair. The following conversation ensued:

Ashley: (pulling out planner) So how many weeks do we usually go?
Cougar: Usually 4 or 5 weeks.
A: (flipping) Well...4 weeks...that Monday is Valentine's Day. Did you want to come in before that?
(Husband and I exchange knowing glances and kind of snicker.)
C: .....(pausing)...... Nah, after 26 years it all looks the same in the dark.

Amen, sister.

I was about to die trying not to laugh. I couldn't believe she would say that in front of complete strangers -- Ashley, her husband, her 4 year old daughter, mom (or MIL?), and me. One of those, 'Did she really just say that?!?!' moments. It made my day.

(In case you were wondering, she went with Wednesday after V Day.)

Simply,
MJ

Very Merry Christmas

I had a very merry Christmas this year, if not illustrated well enough by taking jello shots with my 85 year old grandmother. I had a great holiday with my family...and a WHITE Christmas at that! Mom woke up the day after Christmas really sick though...she is still in bed today, so let's hope that clears up soon!

Hope Santa was good to you all!

Meg

Winter Wonderland

Well, the world outside is coated in snow, slush, and ice. It's beautiful to look at on the trees...walking and driving is not quite so pleasant (although I did enjoy the 2 extra hours of sleep due to the delay!). Perks of working in higher ed -- I still get snow delays.

I think I'm going to start a new little feature, just as the opportunity presents itself. I love when people say odd things or put their foot in their mouth....I'm not sure what to name this feature, though. Maybe I'll just call them "Overheard."

Overheard: "I'm so glad this job has afforded you the ability to buy a new car." One - Rude. Two - She would have bought it anyway. Three - She got paid more at her old job. Four - Rude.

Overheard: "Your computer must just be slow today because it's so cold outside!" One - It's probably the server. Two - It's not like the computer is outside?

Overheard (this isn't a direct quote because I was not at the table, but close enough): "How is everything with your tummy tuck going?"
(The question was directed to a lady who definitely had gastric bypass or another similar form of weightloss surgery several months ago.)

Simpy,
MJ

These Hips Don't Lie

So, I've developed a real issue. Yesterday I was scrounging for one of my favorite pairs of jeans to wear while volunteering with my students. For some reason, I couldn't find them (later this problem was resolved...I just overlooked them). In my haste to get to work, I grabbed another old favorite pair and slipped them on really quick. They had a good flair to wear with tennis shoes, still look good from the back, and are nice and worn in Paper Denim & Cloth jeans that I've had since high school. I got them up over my thighs, over my butt, around my hips....and to my horror, I can't button them. I can't use PMS bloating as an excuse this week either. I ripped them off, threw them to the floor of my closet, and quickly found the pair I had originally been looking for before running out the door. It nagged me a bit all day, but I figure maybe I just haven't worn them since last washing them. Maybe I dried them. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I ate too much salt the day before. Because I am TOTALLY still the same size...I should STILL be able to wear my high school jeans (at least this is what I tell myself).

Fast forward to this morning. I decided to spice it up this Friday with some heels and my high-waisted, wide-legged dress pants. I was feeling good about myself and even got a few compliments on my pants this morning. (I don't wear them too often and definitely not since last winter.) Around 9:00 a.m. I felt something. As if Thursday wasn't horrific enough, the top eyehook on my pants had flown off! Not just come undone...I mean the hook itself was no longer attached to my pants, and they were hanging on by the two remaining eyehooks. And it didn't just fall off like it had been dangling by a thread for a while. It felt pretty secure this morning. I mean the hook shot at least 4 feet away, a la Subway commercial:

These hips don't lie. Someone needs to be hitting the gym ASAP for some trimming and toning. Maybe I'll put this on my workout playlist for next week:

Simply,

MJ

Free Enes

(Image Courtesy of KSR)
(Anyone recognize any of these ladies?)

There was a work event back home last Thursday night, so naturally my boss let me work it and spend some time at home -- a much needed break! It was great to have a three day weekend with time spent at home, visiting with the parents, and wedding festivities. But there is just one recap from the weekend I want to emphasize. Friday night's dinner conversation with my parents. (Disclaimer: If you are offended by "get your head out of the gutter" humor, you may want to discontinue reading at this point.)

Time: 7:30 p.m. CT. We had just say down to pot roast, squash, and mashed potatoes - good home cookin'.

Dad (to me): So you know that Turkish kid on the basketball team -- how do you pronounce his name?
MJ: I usually say Enes (ee-nis), but I'm not sure.
Dad: That's how I said it too, but I was watching the news and this announcer said Enes (En-es). It sounded almost like initials, N.S.
Mom: Or Enes (ee-nis) like P****! (I'll let you all fill that in. You can figure it out.)
Dad (to Mom): That's all you think about isn't it?!?
Mom: Only yours, dear, only yours.
MJ: (pushing away from the table in disgust) Oooohhh...I'm trying to eat dinner here!
Mom: Well, I had to have some sort of retort to that!
Dad: Well it didn't bother me at all, just her! (Pointing at me) (Pause) See, what it is, is that your mom heard how tall he was and wanted to know if he was.... (makes a hand motion)
Mom: ...proportional?

And this, my friends, is why I am so screwed up :)

Simply,
MJ

Marketing Genius

Check out this ad for Huggies limited edition denim diapers:

Whoever did this commercial deserves a raise. Seriously. Genius...and hilarious. One of the roomies and I sat with our jaws dropped and started laughing hysterically. If I had a kid (knock on wood I don't and would like to keep it that way for a LONG while) I would totally go out and buy these. I mean really..."I've got chic in my pants"? "I poo in blue"? "The coolest you'll ever look pooping your pants"? Really. They really said it. All while making a baby look like a fashionable stud.

Props to JWT, the company who created this one.

Something in the Water

I love receiving random texts from one of my best friends (yet to be introduced to the blog...we'll call her K-Rae).

This is the one I got at 8:30 a.m. CT today:

K-Rae: There is something in the water back home that makes people either fertile or stupid. Good thing I stopped drinking the water a long time ago.

Random and hilarious. See why we're friends?

Hope something makes you laugh today!

Simply,
MJ

For Your Entertainment...

Here is a summary of my Saturday night:


Even with the heartbreaking UK loss to Tennessee...I still put on some Boogie glasses and busted out the John Wall dance. Which I actually got compliments on! Someone told me I could have won a competition.

I had a great time with friends in town this weekend and a packed social schedule! I only wish it could have lasted longer. Time goes by so fast these days -- it's already March 2010 and I'm still dating things as 2009. Maybe older people aren't as senile as I like to think...

Hope you all enjoyed that embarassing picture :)

Simply,
MJ

Act Your Age

You know that feeling you get when you first open the mailbox and see something inside? That fleeting moment of happiness and glimmer of hope that someone wanted to send you something. What could it be? Who is it from? And then you realized that 9 times out of 10 it's either junk or someone you owe money to and that feeling quickly fades away? I had that experience this afternoon.

Since it was first day back at work since the holidays, I stayed a little later to tie up a few ends while I was focused. And when I got home, as usual, I checked the mailbox. (Usually it is either totally empty or full of junk mail addressed to people who no longer live here.) Today, there was only one piece of mail. In the last little bit of daylight I could see that it was for me. I hurried inside where it was warm and there was light and looked again. Yep, there was my name! So I quickly study the envelope, which says rather boldly "Act Your Age." I'm thinking at this point that it's another one of those resume builder or career services or go back to school type offers. After all, each letter of that phrase was blocked out in bold, bright colors. Orange and blue and green and golden rod. A little fuschia and purple. Then I read, in a smaller, less obnoxious print, "Welcome to the one magazine for women over 40 who love to act their age."

(pause here for dramatic effect)

WhAt?!?!?! Seriously??? So I flip it over. In same bold, mismatched font, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Followed by the less attention grabbing, "If you're 40, 50, 60 or beyond, it's your time to shine...."

Well, that certainly grabbed my attention. Apparently someone somewhere thinks I am a middle-aged woman. Or something that I filled out somewhere matched the profile of a middle-aged woman. I am an unmarried, financial struggling, 40-something year old woman without a real career yet, stuck in the body of an early-20's girl. Fantastic. My life makes so much more sense now.

So I guess the moral of the story is that the world has tricked us. We are told to enjoy high school because it will fly by. That college year are the best years of our life. That being in your 20's is wonderful because you are finally independent and making money and getting your own place and on real path. And now you are telling me I have to wait another 20 years to shine??? I thought this was my time to shine?

My self-esteem is through the roof right now. I've magically aged 20+ years in the matter of a day. Yep, I feel great about myself. (And for those who can't tell, I'm being totally sarcastic. I found the whole situation to be quite hilarious for about 10 minutes, or long enough to write this post, then promptly threw the mail in the trash.)

So on that note, I'll end with a favorite quote: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional." Age is only a number - it's how you feel inside that really counts!

Simply,
MJ